I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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