sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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