My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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