his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
