It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
