i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
