so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
