Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
