mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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