i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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