throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
