i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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