He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
