her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
not ubering you a puppy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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