spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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