He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
