hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
