Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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