So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So squirting runs in the family.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
