Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
