I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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