If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
