So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
