so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
