I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
