I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
