I think my fart just growled at me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I have vodka in my lungs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
