i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
