Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
