Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just high enough for therapy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
