I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
