so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
