I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
