Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
