I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
