i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
