You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
