true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
