Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
