chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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