I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
