that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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