Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
