I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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