i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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