there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
