forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
