her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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