I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
