i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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