Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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