Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
